I have really enjoyed reading and researching late and very late adulthood. It has really helped me to better understand my Mom and Dad's perspective toward life. There are some days when I think I am going to absolutely lose my mind dealing with Mom's illness and my Dad's ways but lately I have been able to look deeper and attempt to see the situation from their perspective instead of mine. This is much easier said than done. I am also realizing how much of what I do today will affect me in late adulthood. I hope to not have any regrets. This is difficult because although I will not have any regrets about taking care of my parents, will I have regrets because I was there and not at home with my husband and son. Today I do not see it as having a choice but how will I view this situation when I am 70. I guess all we can do is our best for now and pray that our daily decisions are the right ones.
Just to change pace a little. Reading both Newman & Newman and Hutchison it is apparent that the quality of life we live in late and very late adulthood is affected by how we live in middle adulthood. Because I am in middle adulthood this really does wake me up. I need to be setting myself up now to live a long healthy and fulfilling life. So what is it that we can do to make sure we are able to do this? My mother, unfortunately, is a prime example. She tells of going to the doctor in her late 40's and early 50's and the doctors telling her that if she would quit smoking now she could reverse some of the damage that is done and she would be able to live a longer and healthier life. She knows that if she had listened to and done what she was told she would probably not be in the situation she is in today. I believe she has come to terms with her choice but it has been a very difficult road. I believe I have said in a past blog that she has even asked me what is it that I did so wrong to deserve this. I again am doing a lot of rambling in my blog but it is so difficult to sort out all the many feelings that I have toward this subject. I believe one day it will all come together and make better sense but today is just not that day.
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4 comments:
I enjoyed chapter 9 and 10 also. My mother never smoked or drank and yet she had breast cancer twice and a host of other health issues. She is almost 75 and would be called frail by most if not all doctors and reading in chapter 10 that the frail generally die off leaving the more robust group to reach old old age really jolted me. My father fell in the backyard this weekend and had to go to the hospital for stitchs and we know how dangerous falls can be among the elderly. I feel like my parents my not be healthy enough to make it to the 85 year old super old and that really frightens me.
I went today to get my mammogram and there was a lady there the same age as my Mom. It just really shocked me how well she looked compared to my Mom. Just by looking at her I could see her live to be well into her 80's. My father is the same way. He has had health problems in the past but I can see him live to be 85. What worries me most about him is having to live without Mother, even though she is not well. Of course we never thought Mom would live to be 77 since she has been ill for so long but like all the research indicates it is the advancments in healthcare. If it had been even 10 years ago when she became ill it would have been a different story. Thanks for your comment pixiegirrl.
Very Late Adulthood
Having read your blog on very late adulthood is interesting that you too enjoyed chapters nine and ten on late adulthood and very late adulthood. The reading material describes many issues and concerns that must be thought by all as late adulthood and very late adulthood even though we are not promised another breath. The concerns and issues that you have written about in regards to parent’s perspective of this developmental stage is something that others should take into consideration for educational purposes. Agreeing that what we do today will determine our health in later developmental stages of life within the life course perspective. It is imperative that not only persons of aging parents within the late adulthood stage or parents within the very late adulthood stage of development become or be aware of issues and concerns with these stages developmental stages of life. Agreeing that what we do today on a daily basis develops habits and habits develop behavior and behaviors affect persons mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually, and what we eat and whether we exercise affects our medical health as well within all developmental stages within the life course perspective. A very good point that today determines consequences for later decades within a person’s development which is not a selfish thing realizing whether an individual has children or not a person may or may not need to be taken care of. Be it a parent, grandparent, great aunt, great uncle, relative, neighbor, or friend we as individuals for the most part do not begin to take care of ourselves as infants, yet some persons not just within late adulthood and very late adulthood have to be taken care of on a daily basis. Taking care of parents or someone that is homebound within a family can be mentally and emotionally draining without help. It is a caregiver’s role that nourishes and takes care and is a sacrifice. Many persons who are married with a family and have a responsibility to take care of a homebound family member find themselves feeling guilty as their time is limited and may rely on help of others within or outside the family.
Having had more than one biological family member who was homebound and assisted with twenty four hour care can be rewarding and draining, yet personal family members took turn within the family as both biological grandmothers and great aunt who needed twenty-four hour care. A sacrifice made to assist care, nurture, take care, love, and assist in whatever way was needed to spend time with family months before their passing, and minutes before their death seem to be unforgettable and the memories of personal biological family seems to be what is important. How can spending time with family ever be regrettable?
Diane,
I enjoyed your blog. I too have a parent who is ill and need daily attention. My husband does not understand this but at the same time my husband has a large amount of health problems his-self. I took one whole year off from college to help take care of my father after his stoke and I know that I will never regret that time. But now I am torn between continuing to help my parents or to take care of my husband. I am still not sure how we will be able to take care of children with all of this but I am sure that we will find out. Great blog it is comforting to know that I am not the only one going through this.
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