Webster dictionary defines patient as : bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint, manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain, not hasty or impetuous, steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity or able or willing to bear. Virtue is defined as a commendable quality or trait. So I guess what it is saying is that to bear pains calmly or to be steadfast despite opposition or to be willing to bear is a commendable quality or trait to have. In my case patience is not only a virtue but a necessity. Without it I do believe we would all go mad.
Since having to care for my mother I have realized how important it is to be patient. Not just for myself but also my mother. My mother has always seemed to be fairly patient but since her illness even more so. As stated before she has to depend on someone else to provide her with all her basic needs. She can't just get up and go to the kitchen when she wants something to eat or drink, when she gets through with a book she can't just go to the bookcase and pick out another book. When she wants a bath or her hair washed she has to wait on one of us to do that. When she wants to change her clothes she has to ask us to bring her the clothes. I know we are not johnny on the spot when she needs something. There is no telling how many times she has just decided she could do without just because she didn't want to ask for something. I know I am fortunate that she is this patient. I have heard horror stories of how the elderly become angry and violent when having to be cared for.
Again this week I have gotten side tracked. I think I should have started blogging five years ago when Mom got sick. This is very therapeutic. My twin sister Debbie shoulders most of the caregiving for my mother. When we decided to bring her home she chose to quit her job and stay with her during the day. She and I take turns staying at night from Sunday through Thursday and my sisters Mary and Jan who live in Huntsville carry the week-end. The beginning of this post I did last night (Sunday). It was my night to stay at Mom's and this is when I have quiet time to do my writing. Well, I didn't complete the blog and decided to finish later. My phone rang this morning (Monday) at 5:15 am. It was my brother-in-law calling to tell me that he and Debbie had been at the hospital all night long. It was discovered that she has gal stones and will have to have her gal bladder removed tomorrow (Tuesday). This means that we have to figure out how we are all going to juggle our schedules to make sure she is properly cared for. This is when I decided to put my new picture on my blog. The Serenity Prayer. My mother has thea copy of the Serenity Prayer hanging on her living room wall. Everytime, and this is many, I go into her living room I read that prayer. Although I know it well, I have to remind myself of it constantly. There are things in this world we cannot change, we can only adapt, develop lots of patience and deal with the issue. The schedule will work out good, one sister from Huntsville will be coming Wednesday morning and stay until Thursday evening and my other sister from Huntsville will be coming on Thursday night. I didn't worry about how we would handle the situation. I just told my Dad not to worry things would work out, and they did. I only worked one day last week due to last week's issues so I really needed to work. Thanks to my sisters, I will be able to work most of the week. Again I will bring up what I stated in my first blog. Maybe this is why my Mom had so many children. I am a believer that things happen for a reason. Well tonight I am again at Mom's so I will probably get a lot of my work done for the week. I worried about being able to work full time, go back to school, and continue to care for my Mom, but I have realized that this may actully be the best time for me since I do have the quiet time at my Mom's. By the way, Mom is truly concerned about Debbie. It is amazing how she is still the same nurturing Mother I always remember despite her physical condition.
I only mentioned a few members of my family affected by this event. I didn't mention how my husband and son will have to adjust. How someone at work will have to pick up the slack while I am gone. It is so interesting looking at life from the life course perspective. It has really opened my eyes.
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4 comments:
I am glad to hear that your whole family helps you. This is not the case with my father. My mother and I do all of the work while my sisters visit and then leave. The serinity prayer is one that my mother use to say to me all the time. I even bought something that had it on it and now read it to my clients all the time. I agree with you 100% about wishing that I had started the blog years ago. I had so much to say but no where to talk about it. I understand what you are going through with taking care of a parent that is dependent on a family member. I wish you the best of luck with everything and I hope that your sister's surgery went well.
Diane,
I love hearing about your mother. She seems awesome. Tell her I'm coming to visit one day!!! I think it is wonderful that you and your sisters pull together like you do for your mother. It sounds like she sacrificed a lot for her children when you all were growing up and I think it is great that you all are getting the oppurtunity to return the favor!! I would never tell my mother this, but sometimes I really worry that if my mother ever needs to be cared for, I will be her only child that will step up to the plate and do it. Maybe my brother and sister will change, but as of now, they both still live with her but never spend any time with her. My brother is 24 and my sister is 19 and she still does all of their laundry, cleans their rooms, changes their sheets...I mean she does absolutely everything for them, and they let her. This just blows my mind. I am by far not the perfect child but I would not be able to live with myself if I left my mother when she needed me. I am very impressed to see that you and your sisters will sacrifice whatever is necessary for your mother and I really hope that my siblings do the same if that time ever comes.
Thanks for sharing your story with us - most of us will face the journey you describe and giving us a heads up on an important tool (patience) is priceless.
Patience is important. The story about your mother is beautiful. You and your siblings work with each other well to make this journey of your mothers life and you all lives memorable. I can remember when my grandmother became total care. It was a difficult time for the family. Every family is not same and do not pull together. Continue to keep if the good work and team effort. You will appreciate your efforts in the long run.
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